I started drinking at the age of 17 pretty regularly. I was going out to clubs when I was 15; the drinking was just a part of the group of friends I hung around. It was acceptable to be drunk/wasted/etc. I didn’t realize at the time I was setting myself up to become an alcoholic. My drinking really progressed in my early twenties; it went from a totally social thing to a constant companion. Any sort of event, traveling, gathering revolved around drinking or having to enjoy myself. I couldn’t imagine doing things without a drink to relax and loosen up. By this time I was buying into the whole aura or attitude of being the cool guy who takes the party with him. My pin numbers were actively the words beers, more beers. I was living a life that bordered on insanity thinking I was a rock star; only I wasn’t a rock star. I was crazy to think I could use alcohol as my friend.
Without knowing it I eventually accepted the fact that I was drinking to survive. There is nothing smart about what type of drinking I was doing; somehow I justified my drinking by telling myself I was happy I had money, clothes, good jobs, and friends. I wasn’t buying bottles of liquor blacking out, or throwing up, crashing cars, getting into fights, or going to jail. I was responsible, smart, and possibly lucky I graduated college and increased my salary every year.
While I was drinking sometimes I would think about if I was the idea of an alcoholic. I decided I wasn’t, but if I had, maybe I would’ve stopped sooner. The older I became, the more excuses I told myself when I could quit or slow down. When I graduated college, get a job, meet someone special, when I turn thirty, get married and have kids. Well a few mile stones came and went, alcohol always stayed.
Towards the end of my downward spiral I was becoming more introverted and critical. I was moody, lethargic, and bloated; all the signs of an alcoholic. The front I put up was slowly crumbling. I arrived at my turning point in my life 20 years after the ride started. I was a husband, father, homeowner, and employee. I seemingly had it well: beautiful wife, daughter, good pay, nice cars and clothes. Even though inside me I was losing it all; my body and mind no longer belonged to me.
Alcohol made me very aware every day that it controlled me and not the other way around. Eventually it took away my family and life as I knew it would. I had two options, lose everything I had worked for, or come to rehab. I chose rehab. My wife found Narconon for me and gave me the option to live.